Fear and Pain:
Fear is dominating me, the fear of pain and this fear is one of the main sources for chronic pain. The fear of pain every time I start to drum. When is my arm, knee going to hurt again? And yes than most of the times the pain is going to come, because I am waiting for it or because I even expect it. But there are times when I just feel great. Continue reading
Doing or not Doing?
I mentioned in the last blot post, that I felt it is all too much. So I quit most of what I am doing. The important part is to be as relaxed as possible through the day. What I am still doing is working on my feet and if I feel like it meditating and some relaxations exercises.
Had a great Session this weekend outside, sun was shining. Yesterday the meditation also was very good, I could keep up a state of no mind, only feeling the body, being one for a longer period of time.
TRE, Pain, Mediation and Drumming:
Doing the TRE everyday it goes now always directly to my neck.
I am getting more and more convinced that my arm and leg pain gets triggered by the brain. Due to pain memory with tasks, or thinking about these tasks. Saw a movie this week deadpool (such a funny great kickass movie ^^) and can’t remember having any pain during the movie. Maybe it was because I was so focused on the movie, being in the moment not giving my brain the chance to say: “Hey you know you got some pain here and there”. During meditation I sometimes now practice drumming in my head. There than the arm pain also gets triggered very often.
I am stopping the 10 week programm. Maybe going to start all over if i feel like it. I am still continuing with the breathing and doing my own cold shower work out.
Yesterday I did like 4 times hot 4 times cold for 30 to 45 sec. The 3. time felt really cool. The skin felt like little needles where in many places but not in a painful way.
I did the TRE this morning and the trembling went more into my neck. Neck felt relaxed after it.
One thing I noticed is my pain in my right elbow is becoming more constant. My theory I am reducing my tension in neck and shoulders and so the real reason for these tensions becomes revealed. I also remember, that because of my knee problem switching to my left knee on my base drum, I changed my right hand playing style on the hit hat. Maybe this was also a cause for me tensioning up more and more trying to play tempos I couldn’t. The result was arm pain and elbow pain. This elbow pain is now coming back. After that the pain in my elbow got less and my shoulder and neck pain developed. So I think it got triggered by my elbow.
To my knee I remember having pain in my right foot a time before developing the knee pain. I still have this pain in my foot from time to time. I think this also could be the main cause for my knee pain.
Had a good relaxed morning breathing session. No cold shower, going to pause for a few days, body feeling too weak.
I could start the trembling without the exercise. Again most of the time spending in my back. But going more to my shoulders and even up to my neck. I am able to start the trembling in almost every body part at will.
Tai Chi + Drumming:
Drumming session today was good. I need to feel, relax and don’t fear that my arm pain could return during playing, than it goes well.
During Tai Chi I noticed that there was no pain in my arm. So if I am focused in something and don’t really pay attention to my arm there is no pain. This goes with my theory that there is no real pain in my arm and just some events trigger the pain out of pain memory.
Did the cold shower in the evening, went for only cold and stayed for 3.5 min. I think I am going to do the alternating between warm and cold multiple times with longer than 1 min cold in between the next days. Still not feeling ready for the 10 min challenge.
Today I did my second TRE session. This time doing the exercises of the book “The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process”. The shaking went from my legs into my back making my entire body go from right to left. The shaking also went into my lower back and after some going back and forth between legs, and back to my shoulders and then my entire upper body shook in an uncontrollable way. It was really fun.
Something crazy happend. I did a progressive muscle relaxation for my right arm, after tensioning up and letting go my wrist started to shake just like the TRE. So I let the shaking go thru my arm, going into my shoulder, elbow making all kind of crazy uncontrolled movements. After it my arm felt relaxed.
I also tried to sit better, by tilting the pelvis slightly forward. This results in a rise in the upper body. As from my Alexander Technique lessons it is to find the sweet spot between being too far back with the pelvis, resulting in a round back or to for tensed forward resulting in a hollow back. Perfect is a slight hollow back without tension.
During drumming I also tried to keep my shoulders relaxed I noticed that sometime I would start to tense them up, especially in faster tempos. I kept me elbows a little further away from my body giving me a more relaxed and free movement. I also focused on using my wrist and fingers and don’t play out of the forearm.
I managed to stay more relaxed during playing which I hadn’t experienced for a long time. Creating a pretty wide smile in my face. I went up to tempos of 140 and still could keep my relaxation. Sometimes I even struggle at 70 bpm creating too much tension in my forearm in the upstroke position.
I think a main factor for this sensation was the TRE in my forearm, also having a positive effect on my mind.
Actually today is the last day of week 4. I still did not do the 10 min cold shower challenge and I know next week it’s going to be 10 minutes every day. So maybe I am going to do the challenge the next days and see how it goes.
Had a cool drum lesson session today the 45 min passed so fast. We talked about my muscle tension holding the full stroke position. Holding this position should not be tense in the forearm. Some possible problems, going to high and holding the stick to tense with my fingers. So we started to play very sloppy let the arm totally loose. Then tighten the grip slightly more and keep that loose feeling and gain back more control over the stick. Also very important don’t force an exercise or try to play in a tempo you’re not ready for. Another exercise we did was playing imaginary drums with the hands while standing. Arms in front and elbows bent to the side. Doing normal strokes with the hands using the wrist in three types, hand total relaxed, hand half tensed, hand full tensed so all fingers are straight.
A good exercise to release tension in the back or shoulder is to breathe into tight spots and let them go with the exhale.