Thoughts…

Doing or not Doing?

I mentioned in the last blot post, that I felt it is all too much. So I quit most of what I am doing. The important part is to be as relaxed as possible through the day.  What I am still doing is working on my feet and if I feel like it meditating and some relaxations exercises.

More thoughts and realizations based on some books I read the past weeks:

  • Do one step at a time, only one, don’t run and don’t try to take a short cut or think about all the next steps that should be done. Be focused on this one step in the present moment.
  • I am okay, as I am. With all my “pain”.
  • I want want and want more, find a “cure” to make me healthy. But this wanting state is a big barrier. I can meditate, do my work out and so on. But I am doing all this things with the thought of making my pain go away. But that’s most likely not how it works and I don’t know when I am ready to just let go. Not putting so much force, or call in effort, into fixing my problems or resolving them. The thing that is the answer is relaxation. How I achieve it doesn’t matter, meditation, reading, running, doing nothing….
  • So at the moment I switched my daily program again, something must help me doesn’t it??? Let’s try this, let’s try that. Running further and further away instead of truly accepting my state.
  • All the books I read so far have in coming, that truly accepting the state, each moment as it is, is the main key. So I am going to continue reading books that should bring me to enlightenment or as one book (The Power of now) says: That it already is in all of us but the mind is in the way. Again the problem still trying to find a cure for my state by reading all these books.

A text I just wrote down:

What’s with all this crab, why do we think or I think so much about things. Past, why I did this, what would be when??, The Future, what I should do, so much to do, why am I writing this text?? I should do some more serious things. I could achieve so much, but this could happen and then this, or that or whatever…. In the end it’s going to turn out a lot different. Maybe I should think even more so next time I cover all possible outcomes.

Fun what is Fun, there is no time for fun. Problems that’s what counts. They should be all solved at once best now. But first the mind needs to create some more fictional problems. I should think about all this fictional problems they are very very important. Wait what. Jap mostly the things I think about are all wasted energy. So I trailed off again, this part should be about fun. More being a kid. As a kid I had so much fun. Mainly I did more and thought less. So why did I stop being a child. Mostly due to society. If you are at a certain age you must behave like an adult, you must be responsible.  But this is not fun it’s stressful. What happened to just lay in the grass enjoying the sun, running a round in the rain jumping in puddles getting all dirty. My mother didn’t like it, she had to do the cleaning. Now it’s my job to do the cleaning so I don’t jump into puddles. What a lame life.

What a crazy fucked up, non-structured text you just read. That stuff  was on, or in my mind this way.

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